Saturday, August 27, 2011

Man Purses, Boobs, Cigarettes, Oh My!

So it's been quite a while since I last blogged : ( Why? Well, watching TV, working out, and playing with my dog wasn't providing much inspiration.

However! Good news! I am recently back from a whirlwind 2-WEEK EUROPEAN ADVENTURE and I have TONS to tell! I spent 3 days in Madrid, 3 days in Barcelona, 7 days on the island of Paros, Greece, and 1 day in Athens. Unfortunately I am now back in the USofA, fighting jet lag (and losing miserably) and constantly reminiscing about my eventful and action-packed 14 days pretending to be a backpacker.

Living in hostels for 6 days while in Spain
, my BFF and I came across people from all parts of Europe and the world and all walks of life. I met my first person from Slovenia, I chatted with an Australian working for Emirates Airlines who had stories for days, I befriended a French-British couple who hitchhiked their way from Southern France to Greece, and I randomly met far too many people from Germany.

While the sightseeing, eating, partying, and drinking were all fine and dandy, the ultimate
highlight of the trip...as dorky as this sounds...was observing the cultural differences between Americans and Europeans. There are things Euros do that Americans just aren't up to speed on, and vice versa! In true "Graduated and Confused" fashion, let me count the ways...

1. SMOKING-- Everybody and their momma smokes in Europe. Seriously, in Greece
I once sat a table where mother, father, and daughter were all lighting up. For 2 weeks, I observed as people were ALWAYS leaving a conversation to go outside and smoke, someone was ALWAYS rolling a cigarette, smoke was ALWAYS being blown in my face. I once asked a French guy simply "Why do Europeans smoke so much?" and he replied that they like to rebel and do things they're not supposed to do. Well, I'm always down for breaking the rules and being a bad ass, but at the expense of my lungs? I'll pass, thanks.

2. GETTING NEKED
-- In a club in Greece, I watched as 2 seemingly normal girls came in
fully-clothed and within the hour, they were on top of the bar down to their skivvies...and I'm pretty sure they weren't on the payroll, this was all for kicks and giggles. Furthermore, the women of Europe love showing their boobs! In 2-weeks, I'd seen more boobs of all shapes, sizes, and lengths than I personally would have liked to. But you know what, kudos to them for being comfortable enough with their bodies to flaunt what their momma gave them (and deal with the prospect of creepy men gawking at them)! Oh and don't even get me started on the men and their Speedos...

3. SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES
-- My biggest jealousy of Europeans is the fact that every European speaks AT LEAST 2-3 languages. And when you commend them on how good their English is, the common answer was always "No, no, no, it's terrible!" in which my reply was always "Well your English is 10 times better than my French/Spanish/Italian/German/etc. *
*I have an entire blog post dedicated to this subject coming very soon**

4. MAN PURSES-- W
e've all grown accustomed to seeing men carry messenger bags, briefcases, and backpacks. But in America, if a man walks into a bar carrying a small, leather carryall, aka man purse or "murse", akin to my handbag, he would be mocked, pointblank period. In Europe, it's definitely not the same case. Now, not every European man is walking around with a man purse, but I did notice it far more than I have in America. It wasn't offputting to see or disturbing, as some ignorant manly American men might think. In fact, I found it very nice to see and practical, as I always thought guys need something to carry their shit around in too!

5. TRAVEL FIRST, SCHOOL LATER
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- As I think I've discussed in previous posts, gap years are definitely a European thing. Heck, my summer off post-college graduation and little 2-week Euro trip is perplexing to alot of people, but in Europe it's quite accepted and almost expected to take time off before/after university. I kept meeting guys and girls my same age who were just in their first and second years of university. What had they been doing in the time between high school and now? Seeing the world of course! From traveling around Australia to working in London to taking a spiritual journey to Thailand and Bali, these people sure know how to put off the real world. Snaps to them!

6. KNOWLEDGE OF AMERICAN POLITICS-- You never fully realize just how much American culture is disseminated around the world, until you find yourself having a conversation about American race relations with a guy from France. True story! Talking music and movies is one thing, but having an in-depth convo with a German about the American economy and financial crisis and actually learning quite a bit from the conversation is (not only embarrassing but) quite impressive. And the fact that these conversations were all held while slightly intoxicated makes it all the more remarkable.

7. PARTY LONGER & LATER-- In Philly, the city shuts down at 2am, so throughout college I
grew accustomed to starting to pregame at 11, hittin the club or bar at 12, and having a solid 2 hours out. Given that, I was not at all prepared for the hours upon hours of drinking and dancing I was to endure in Europe. Since dinner is eaten at around 10pm in Spain and Greece, we didn't even start pregaming until around 12:30am. And it's not uncommon for the clubs to be empty until 2-3am. That being said, you're guaranteed a party until well after the sun comes up!

The Verdict? Europeans are cooler, more badass, and definitely know how to party. But don't let their leisurely, free-spirited nature fool you, because they sure know their shit when it comes to the world and their passports put us all to shame.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

DAY ELEVEN: Write about your sibling(s) or what it’s like to be an only child.

I already wrote about my older brother in another post (click here). So now I’ll write about my older sister. She and I are very close. She definitely knows more about me than anybody else in the world. While I hate talking on the phone, my sister is one person who’s phone call I don’t ignore. We’re different in a lot of ways (she’s Miss Glamazon Social Butterfly, I’m the quirky tomboy in the back corner), but the same in others (like me, she’s a good listener and a good friend). I admire her perseverance and unrelenting passion for medicine. I sometimes envy her confidence, handwriting, and proactiveness (she’s socially fearless, I’m socially awkward). I’m always openly receptive and easily convinced by her advice because she’s usually right about me and knows what decision I should make. She’s also easy to pick on and bother because she’s a mere munchkin who seems to get smaller every time I see her : ) Basically, I love my little big sis!

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I’m clearly obsessed with lists and countdowns and bullet points in general. So I knew I hit the jackpot when I came across the...

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind !

I understand if you don’t want to read my responses, but at least go through the questions and answer them for yourself. There are no right or wrong answers…they’re just meant to challenge you to think deeply about yourself. It’s also a good way to procrastinate at work : )
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How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
17.5—at the edge of adulthood, but still unwilling to give up being a child.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. Regret is MUCH WORSE than failure.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
All comes back to fear…fear of trying, fear of failure, fear of what other people may think about you if you try something outside the box.

When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Absolutely. I’m trying desperately to live in the moment and do what I want to do when I want to do it, but societal conventions and all those negative thoughts always get in the way. Peep my profile tagline—“ I’m trying to be a free spirit but life keeps getting in the way.” Hopefully I can live a life I’m proud of, ie: do everyone on my bucket list before I croak.

What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
GREED! There’s more than enough money and food in this world for people not to starve or go without.

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Going on family vacations. It combines the two things I love the most in my life—traveling and my family.

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Currently I’m not doing much of anything! If I settle, I’ll probably see you in NY/LA by the end of the summer; if I do what I believe in, I’ll probably be elsewhere doing something completely random.

If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Great questions! Well I’d be a little over halfway through my life. I’d hope to be married with at least 1 kid by now. I wouldn’t have gone to college and probably would have dropped out of high school early. I’d live like a gypsy and travel all over the world with my family living in exotic places and doing random shit to make money and survive.

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I believe I’ve had 100% control and I’m sure every decision I’ve made has been my own. Except being forced to do track and field for 3 years—that was my mom’s doing.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things. I’m sure I’ll make plenty of mistakes in my life so “doing things right” is not a concern.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Because the criticism is distasteful and, especially, unjustified, I’d defend my friend. I’ve defended people before who weren’t even close friends just because people were saying things that had no merit and were mean-spirited. I’m a good friend to have : )

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Don’t follow the rules.

Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Absolutely…unless it was going to get me 30 years to life.

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
At the Magic Gardens in Philadelphia—it’s this crazy mural wonderland created by this insane artist/genius.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I wear my socks inside out (been doing it since elementary school).

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
My family makes me happy. Some people unfortunately come from sucky families I guess.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Vacation alone. I’m nervous about traveling alone and making friends.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
My childhood obviously. I desperately need to grow up.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Sydney, Australia obviously (read this). Plus, there’s a lot of stuff about our government and the American way of living that I disagree with. I’m sure Australia too has its pitfalls but they also get 4 weeks paid vacation and that awesome accent to make up for it ; )

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yes, no

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Joyful simpleton. Most geniuses are crazy and it’s no fun worrying all the time.

Why are you, you?
A combination of my parents upbringing + my own self-will + God’s mysterious plan for me.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I think I’m the bestest friend anyone could ever have. I’m loyal, I’m a good listener (too good), I’m honest, I can make you laugh. I’m desperate to find a friend like me.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
When a good friend moves away. My childhood best friend moved across the country and let me tell you, distance is a bitch when it comes to trying to stay in touch with someone. In regards to a good friend who lives right near you—if they’re a good person, then they’ll stay the same no matter what and you guys will pick things right back up where they started anytime you see them.

What are you most grateful for?
Great, sane parents.

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I’d rather lose all of my
old memories. Life is about living in the now and making new memories. Dwelling on the past (whether it’s good or bad) prevents you from moving forward with life.

Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
No. Things (usually) aren’t always what they seem. It’s always good to challenge what you THINK make be the truth first before accepting it.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
I once dropped a $1,000 videocamera I borrowed from the Penn library off of my 4-foot-tall dresser and I broke a piece of it, although ALL day I was telling myself I have to be careful NOT TO BREAK THE CAMERA. Luckily, the camera still worked and didn’t break completely, but after crying and hyperventilating, it hit me that my greatest fear had ALMOST come true.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
I was 16, nope.

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Swimming and battling the waves at Big Beach in Maui. Definitely one of the most fun days in my life and my entire family was there : )

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Everyday I was in Sydney.

If not now, then when?
I was going to say “there’s always tomorrow” but actually there isn’t. So I guess NOW is the only option.

If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I have NOTHING to lose. I’m not married, don’t have kids, I’m living selfishly for me and me only. If only I could get over myself…

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Umm…nope.

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because people are so closed-minded and refuse to simply accept that there are other religions with other beliefs that are validated by other religious texts AND at the end of the day YOUR religion could actually be a load of made up horseshit just as you believe the next guy’s religion is.

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes, anything that comes from love is good…from hate, evil.

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Nope, a million dollars is a lot, but not THAT much. I’d take a LONG vacation though.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
Less work. I work to live not live to work.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Of course. Watching TV and surfing the Internet is my standard everyday life.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
It’s been a while…

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
I’d keep my butt right at home with my family.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
I don’t crave fame and I already know I’m a babe ; )

What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive—going through the motions of everyday life and doing the bare minimum to survive. Truly living—not giving a shit what people think about you or your decisions; just living for yourself and doing all that makes YOU happy.

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
The time is obviously now.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Fear is a powerful, useless, and blinding emotion. It prevents you from seeing clearly and from seeing that “hey, it’s okay if I make this mistake, cuz I’ll learn from it in the long run.”

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Die my hair pink, get a couple tattoos, eat everything I want and probably become morbidly obese, work some cool jobs first before settling into working on a career.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Earlier when I was working out and huffing and puffing like an overweight asthmatic.

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love to eat. Pigging out last night before starting the Master Cleanse openly expressed this love. However, going on the Master Cleanse is a clear contradiction.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Nope, they were extremely unmemorable days.

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Trying desperately to make them for myself.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I MISS THE BALL PIT!!!!!


DAY NINE: Photo of your favorite pillow. & DAY TEN: How you wake up in the morning.


So I don’t sleep on a pillow. I sleep with my head directly on the mattress…a weird habit that started in middle school I think. How I wake up in the morning? I use my iPhone as my alarm clock. Current song: Skins (UK) season 4 theme song. After snoozing a minimum of 3 times (extra 27 minutes of sleep), I finally decide to wake up. I grab my phone, check my email first, then Twitter, then Facebook, then Words with Friends. Finally, I sit up and stretch all the way down to my ankles and crack my back. Good morning!


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I MISS THE BALL PIT!!! I don’t remember what I was watching on TV this past week that triggered this nostalgia, but once it hit me, memories of swimming through that pool of colorful plastic balls came rushing to my mind. I can see myself going down the slide at the Discovery Zone and landing in the sea of balls, standing on the pit’s ledge and diving in as if I were at the public pool, having ball fights with my friends, dunking under the swarm of balls and hiding before popping up to give someone a scare…ahh so many childhood memories!!


To be quite honest, I was never one to want to grow up. You know how some girls go through a whole makeup phase in middle school, trying to look grown? Yeah, I never went through that. Didn’t even buy eyeliner until my freshman year in college. In high school, while everyone had boy drama and went out on dates, I was happily at the movies with my parents. Oh, and I still watch The Disney Channel and more often take baths than showers.


Basically, I’ve savored every drop of my childhood. And being the youngest of three in my family, I sometimes still get treated like a kid. But while some might complain and demand of their parents, “treat me like an adult!” I definitely do not mind at all! Why? Because growing up sucks, that’s why! I haven’t even hit the real world yet of bills and waking up early and mean bosses and I’m already missing my childhood.


This is the first time in my life where there isn’t a predetermined plan for me. I have to figure out my next step on my own and venture off into the world without anyone holding my hand and it’s scary and confusing and stressful and all I want is my Mommy! I miss the freedom that childhood offered! Even though as a child, you technically have no freedom, as your life is completely run by your parents, I envy the freedom from stress and worry and the freedom of simplicity that kids are privileged to have.


Remember the “want-to-play-shark?” kids I saw in the pool at The Bahamas? In a snap, they became friends and, plain and simple, had fun together. Can you imagine if I went up to a girl in the pool and asked her if she wanted to play cards (or something a little more age-appropriate than “shark”)? After a weird look, she might agree to it, or she would probably use the whole “sorry, I’m here with my friends (and/or boyfriend) excuse” and swim back to them and tell them how some weirdo girl came up to her asking to play cards.


As we get older, we almost have to be extremely selective with our friends, as you quickly find out people are usually trifling, flaky, jealous, or just plain bitches. And forget about making friends with someone of the opposite sex…a whole other field of complications comes with that! I remember as a child having a bajillion friends, a new best friend every year, and going over someone’s house afterschool just about everyday. Yeah, well it took me about 2 years at Penn before I made a solid friend. And this past weekend, I was home…alone…all weekend.


I miss the days of just hopping on my bike and going for my ride around the neighborhood with my friends. I miss walking through the woods behind my house and coming home with ticks (ok, I don’t miss the ticks part). I miss making up dances with my friends afterschool. I miss playing intense games of House and Murder in the Dark (we were morbid kids) with my cousins during the summertime.


I miss having hobbies for goodness sakes! I used to read all the time! I was always reading a book before bed. Now that

book as been replaced by Netflix on my laptop. I used to do all kinds of arts and crafts projects—watercolor to lanyard to crocheting—and write fiction stories all the time. The saddest memory…I used to dance—a HUGE part of my life for like 10 years. Over the years, those hobbies have slowly dwindled away and yet today, I have the nerve to declare “I’m bored!”


As we get older, our bookshelves are filled with self-help books (I’m currently reading “The Laws of Thinking”) and we have to consciously remind ourselves…


"Carpe diem!"

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today"


But as much as we can try and "live like everyday is your last," before you know it, the pangs of adulthood creep back in and the people who indeed ARE savoring everyday as if they'll die in the morning are the ones looked as as reckless and irrational.


While I'm sad to say that my childhood is gone forever, I guess I just have to accept that it's an (unfortunate) part of life and it's time to grow up, shape up, and ship out.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'm Moving to Vegas to Become a Go-Go Dancer!

DAY EIGHT: Write a poem.


Clearly this 28-Day Challenge thingy has been a fail, as it is far past 28 days since I started this challenge and yet I’m only on DAY EIGHT. Whomp whomp. As for my poem, here’s a lil haiku for ya…


I’m really hungry

I would like a rack of ribs

Wow I’m a fat ass.


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“It’s hard to make a living when all we do is work”


I recently heard this quote somewhere, and it’s stuck with me ever since. Let’s repeat it together: “It’s hard to make a living when all we do is work.”


The other day I was joking around with my dad, reminding him that he essentially has gotten a big salary raise now that I’m done with Penn and am no longer subjecting him to a ridiculous financial burden. I told him that he and my mom should go on a long 3-week vacation somewhere. They work hard, they deserve it, plus they’re both self-employed so it’s not that big of a deal to just take off from work right? WRONG! My dad replies that he can’t afford to take 3 weeks off…he’s got bills to pay, too many patients to see, and an office to uphold. And I thought to myself, damn, has my dad become a slave to his work?! Has he too become that stereotypical American workaholic?!


Somehow the Europeans have mastered what it means “to live.” In France, everyone is guaranteed, BY LAW, 5 weeks of PAID vacation days. Meanwhile, in America, there isn’t even a law requiring employers to grant employees vacation. You’re considered lucky if your boss gives you 2 weeks off! In Sweden, parents get 13 months PAID maternity leave, while in America you get 12 weeks UNPAID and usually ZERO job security. (Baby daddies in Sweden are livin it up!!)


So, it really irks me when people say, “there’s nothing like living in America.” Yes, America is great, but it seems like people here work harder and get less benefits. People in other countries seem to have more free time to live and spend less time slaving in an office. When people say, there’s no place like America, I say "yes, in fact there is...it’s called Australia" (minimum wage is almost double what it is here in America and you get 4 weeks PAID vacation by law).


And then when Americans do go on vacation, we’re lounging on the beach with our laptops and Blackberries. I’ll never forget going to Miami for Spring Break with my parents and every five seconds, my mom was on her phone with one of her employees; the woman never got a break! Now if she had competent workers, that may not have been a problem, but the fact that they knew she’d answer if they called shows just how attached we can be to our work. So even when we are trying to “make a living," we can't seem to get away from work, work, work!


In America, we definitely seem to value material things over life experiences. While we Americans are taking our little week vacations to the same tired ol’ South Beach, Las Vegas, Caribbean islands, our European counterparts are spending weeks exploring Southeast Asia, going on African safaris, chillin beachside in the Polynesian islands. No wonder 63% of Americans can’t locate Iraq on a map. I think it has to do with our lack of vacation time to explore the world PLUS our love for the finer things in life. We’d much rather drive a pimped out Escalade and spend summer vacation in Atlantic City over a fuel-efficient scooter and a memory-filled excursion through the Outback. Let’s keep in mind…I never met a single American backpacker while I was in Australia. We just don’t do such things!


On another note, all this talk about work and living and finding a balance has got me thinking about the rules to life…..and how there aren’t any! Slight update on the current state of my life: It’s been 7 weeks since I graduated Penn and I still admittedly don’t have the slightest clue what I’m doing with my life! And frankly, I’ve become a pro at avoiding the subject altogether. But I’ve realized that this avoidance stems from me being afraid to make a prominent decision that might throw people for a loop or isn’t considering customary to the unwritten rules to a graduate’s post-college experience. It’s expected that I go to college, do some internships throughout college, network network network, graduate, get a job in the same field I interned in, and keep climbing up the ladder. The Wharton grad who decides instead that he wants to pursue a rap career is looked at as a madman. However, I fully support the crazy Wharton grad and admire him for saying screw the rules and doing what he wants to do. Why? Because there aren’t any rules in life and sometimes I think we forget that!


Giving “the rules” the finger takes some risk, but might also open up the possibility to truly enjoy life. Right now I'm kind of deciding between 1. getting a job in TV/film and sticking with the original plan or 2. saying screw "the rules" and moving to The Bahamas to become a server at Senor Frogs or shipping off to Vegas and working as a go-go dancer at Privé to pay the bills. Just kidding! But you see what I mean…my biggest worry right now is whether or not sticking to the rules and my original plan is going to compromise my current thirst to travel, rebel and be young and dumb, and spend my twenties having lifelong experiences outside of an office setting. The mere thought of sitting in an office chair, staring at a computer, answering phones in a few months makes me want to break out in hives.


Decisions, decisions! All I know is, I don’t want to be kicking myself 40 years from now saying “it was hard to make a living, cuz all I did was work.”


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FYI: Monday, July 4th at 9pm HBO is playing a documentary called “Citizen USA: A 50 State Road Trip” where the filmmaker attends naturalization ceremonies in all 50 states and meets brand-new citizen to learn why they chose America as their home. Should be interesting…

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

An Eventful Weekend in The Bahamas!

DAY SEVEN: Write about the arts (music, art, dancing, etc).


DANCE. Dance used to be a HUGE part of my life. I did ballet and jazz from ages like 6-16. I stopped dancing when I got to college. Got lazy, never got the courage to try out for a dance team. I have trouble watching So You Think You Can Dance, because I miss dance that much and always wonder what could have been. MUSIC. I’m a huge fan of music. I have the most eclectic iTunes library on the face of this planet. I don’t discriminate when it comes to music. I listen to just about anything. My iTunes on shuffle: 1. “Cash Flow” by Major Lazer, 2. “I’m Still in Love With You” by Al Green, 3. “Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve, 4. “Radio Ga Ga” by Queen. ART. I appreciate art. I dig museums. I love to paint.


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So I’ve been M.I.A. from my blog for quite a while cuz I been busy hustling and tryna get that paper (aka I been reading my sister’s friends’ med school essays and getting paid $20-45 to proofread/edit them). Another slightly less dorky reason I’ve been away is because of a lil trip to THE BAHAMAS aka my new favorite place in the world! It was a much needed girls trip with my sister, Mom, and Grandma that started at the beach and ended at Senor Frogs : )


I was highly impressed with The Bahamas…from the people to the beaches to the downtown area. As a Jamaican, I tend to be highly bias of the islands, but I have to admit that The Bahamas is giving Jamaica a run for its money. And I also learned that behind the US and Canada, it’s the third richest country in the Americas and one of the richest in the world where the majority of the population is Black. Shoutout to my black

folk! Anyways, thought I’d give yal a little play by play of our pretty eventful trip…


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**WEDNESDAY**

5am flight. Yup we’re cheap and had to book THAT flight. We all packed light for the first time in our lives and then get to the airport and face $100 in checked-baggage charges. FAIL.

Arrive at The Bahamas airport, which is undergoing major construction. We depart the plane and have to walk what feels like a mile across the tarmac to some other random building to go through immigration. Nice start to the trip! Arrive at The Sheraton Nassau Beach Resort and finally realize we’re in paradise! Get to our hotel room by 10am and knock out cold by 10:05.


Rub eye boogers out of our eyes at about 2pm, put on our bathing suits, and hit the beach where we’re met with this…

We start to get hungry but we didn’t buy the all-inclusive package and have to pay out of pocket for food. Stop by the poolside restaurant and see $17 burgers on the menu! Yikes! My sister and I immediately schlep down the street to Burger King, which is having a sale on the Original Chicken Sandwich meal—only $4.99! We wonder how on Earth we’re going to survive and eat for the rest of the vacation : ( Get back to the beach and my mom, Mrs. I-Can-Make-Friends-With-Anyone, has SURPRISE-SURPRISE made a friend with a fellow Jamaican woman who’s in The Bahamas selling timeshares. She invites us to a free lunch tomorrow…all we have to do is listen to some timeshares presentation. Sign us up!


For dinner, we decide to hit up one of the resort’s restaurants called Amici. $14 appetizers and $36 meals. This should be interesting! My sister suffices with a salad and my mom and I split a meal. Then our waiter, Bertis, treats us to free drinks. When he brings the bill, we see he only charged us for our meal…the salad and drinks were on the house. We’re eating here every night!


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**THURSDAY**

Free lunch! Afterwards, my sister and I hit the beach, then go to the pool, then back to the beach, then the pool again…ahhh vacation : ) I start reading "The Giver," meanwhile my sister is reading "Catcher in the Rye"—two books we shamefully should have read decades ago. We look over and a Black-Hispanic couple is getting married. Gotta love interracial love : )


Dinner at Amici’s and this time Bertis truly outdid himself! He treated us to a bottle of wine, free Strawberry Daquiris, Caesar salad for appetizer, 4 entrees, and dessert for each of us (worth: $300+, check: $157, what Bertis made us pay: 89bucks). Across the restaurant a wedding party is having their rehearsal dinner and it’s another interracial couple…this resort sure loves The Swirl!


In the middle of eating our dinner, a tall cutie and seemingly member of the wedding party comes over to our table and throws the whole "don't I know you?" pick-up line at my sister! They chitchat and upon him leaving, my mom, Grandma, and I badger my sister with questions and analyze the situation, as this NEVER happens in real life…only in the movies! My grandma demands to know his profession, his college major, and basically his mother’s maiden name and is upset with my sister for not gathering this information from their short 3-minute conversation.


Head back to our room and watch a cheesy JLO movie. I later struggle to sleep due to my mom and grandma’s snoring competition and my sister kicking me in the groin every hour or so.


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**FRIDAY**

Fish fry, fish fry, fish fry. Everyone keeps telling us we have to go to the fish fry. We board the local bus and head into the city to find this infamous fish fry. We finally get to see Nassau outside of our resort and realize the city is undergoing loads of construction due to “Bahamar” (a major resort metropolis project being built on the island: http://www.bahamar.com/). We get to the fish fry and its basically a row of restaurants selling baked conch, fried conch, conch fritters, sautéed conch…clearly conch is a delicacy here.


We choose a restaurant and our experience was subpar. Our waiter moved like molasses and the food was extra greasy. We head back to our resort and chill on the beach.


Dinner at Amici’s then we head to the world famous Atlantis Resort, which is on Paradise Island. We get there and realize the place is like a mini-Las Vegas. We also learn it costs $120 for day-passes to their water park. (Guess we can cross that plan off our list!) Grandma and Mom check out the casino while my sister and I hit the nightclub, which charges $50 for non-Guest females.

Naturally, my sister gets us in for free : )


The nightclub is fun, but filled with too many teenagers and an Italian posse with their shirts buttoned down to

their navels.


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**SATURDAY**

It’s blazing hot today and we spend the day going in and out of the water. In the pool, I overhear a conversation that epitomizes childhood:


Six-year-old #1: Wanna play Shark?

Six-year-old #2: Ok, how do you play?

Six-year-old #1: I’m the shark and I chase you around.

Six-year-old #2: (ponders for a moment) Ok!


We watch yet another interracial wedding on the beach...


Our final dinner at Amici’s and Bertis already has our table picked out. Sad to depart him but thank him for the excellent service : ) Head upstairs to the lounge and listen to a jazz singer before heading to bed.


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**SUNDAY**

Unfortunately it’s time to depart Nassau. But first we head downtown to the market to buy some nicknacks. I’m disturbed by the amount of Bob Marley t-shirts, towels, bags, etc that I see, seeing as Bob Marley is Jamaican! Hello people?! Get your own reggae icon Bahamas!


We head to Senor Frogs to join all the drunk white people coming off of the cruise ships. We each (with the exception of my God-fearing Grandmother) order Bahama Mamas and get a little tipsy….my sister does the ChaCha slide. Three shades from being drunk and disorderly later, we finally head to the airport and leave The Bahamas : (


Our layover in Charlotte is extended an extra hour. I do some intense people-watching and realize the trend among young Southern men...


…I decide I prefer my rough-around-the-edges NJ/NYC boys much better. After a freezing cold flight home...


Me: Do you have any blankets?

Stewardess: Sorry, we only have enough for first class passengers. But you may purchase one (of our paper thin "blankets") for $7?


...we’re back in good ol’ Jersey.